You may be wondering, "What happens in a Sexological Bodywork™ session?"
I recognise that our sexuality can be a vulnerable place to explore and to share with another. The journey to wanting to actively investigate and invest in erotic education can take time and courage. I honour your interest in looking after yourself by exploring this aspect of yourself.
For many people, the only context for intimate touch and discussion has been within a relationship or within partner engagement. This is understandable, and there are other contexts; one of which is education and curiosity. In my sessions the intention is that attraction or dis-attraction - partner engagement - is set aside in the service of learning.
Will I be safe?
I have worked with a number of psychotherapists and counsellors as students. They, as well as students who have undergone years of talk therapy, have confirmed my intuition and observation that hands-on work can literally and metaphorically touch places that talk therapy cannot. If your intention is to get out of your head and into your body, it makes sense to place felt, bodily sensation at the centre of your experience.
Equally, being touched can be a vulnerable place. In order to engage your parasympathetic nervous system - that is, to let go and explore - it is vital that you feel safe and are safe. This is well articulated by Certified Sexological Bodyworker Pamela Madson in her article Sexual Ethics: A Woman's Guide to Keeping it Safe with a Hands on Touch Practitioner. Note, the article is addressed to women and I believe most of the points relate to people of any gender identity.
I operate outside of attraction in the service of learning and with clear boundaries described in the Code of Ethics of the Association of Somatic and Integrative Sexologists which you can read here.
Do you follow a code of ethics?
The Ethical Codes of Practice include that a session can include less than was intended by the client, but cannot be expanded once begun. This is because once arousal has entered the picture it becomes more difficult to make rational decisions. If things occur to you that are of interest beyond the scope agreed at the start of the session, they can be discussed in the next session.
Will I have to get naked?
The short answer is 'no'.
In sessions, the focus is on your experience. It is entirely possible to focus on and explore your internal experience while clothed, and all sessions will begin there. Depending on your reason for attending and your level of comfort, nudity may or may not not be desirable or appropriate. If there is a decision to make about this, it will always be yours to make.
Can I bring a chaperone?
Yes, you are welcome to bring a chaperone if you wish to. Likewise you are welcome to attend with a partner or lover.
How much do you charge?
In-person sessions are £110 per hour in Devon and £150 per hour in London. I recommend 2-3 hours for the first session and 90 minutes to 2 hours thereafter.
I require a deposit of £100 or the full amount by BACs in advance to confirm your booking.
If you decide after your first session that you would like regular sessions, you have the option to pay in advance for 5 sessions in which case the fifth is free of charge.
Skype consultations are £80 per hour, telephone & online discovery consultations are free up to 15 minutes.
For my location, please see the contact page.
How many sessions do you recommend?
Some people find a short series most beneficial; others may choose regular sessions over months or even years particularly if negotiating embedded trauma responses. It depends on many factors including your learning objective(s), degree of interest, convenience and more.
Our habits are an accumulation of years of practice, whether the behaviours are repeated unconsciously, or consciously such as learning to play a musical instrument. To change habits (which is to resculpt your nervous system), regular practice over time is key. To enable this to take place it is recommended that you attend a series of regular sessions, for example weekly, fortnightly or monthly. I will also give you home practice so that you continue practising in your own environment.
Is it just about sex?
A great secret of Sexological Bodywork™ is that it is about greater presence and embodiment in every area of life. Sex is often an arena where issues show up starkly, such as how to know what we want, how to ask for what we want, how to be spontaneous and more. Mindful practice moves the nervous system into greater integration. This means your erotic practice increases your capacity for empathy with yourself, with others, with every aspect of your life.
"'The world breaks everyone, then some become strong in the broken places' Ernest Hemingway.
Kian is a kintsugi for people (Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, silver or platinum lacquer). Where I felt broken by life now I feel the repair is beautiful and precious in its own right. Kian has empowered me to move towards wholeness, integration and acceptance, such that my previous 'imperfections' are being accepted, embraced and even celebrated as a natural part of my humanness."
DL, Autism support worker.